It was a mistake...

 **July 2013**
“It was a mistake......”

That is what his text said to me.  I almost felt like Carrie from SATC when she got that post it from Berger.  However I did not have a vase of flowers to knock over.  All I had was my phone in my hand, which I threw across the room.  Probably not my best idea but I figured with an otter box on, it would be protected. 

I could still hear it buzzing with more messages from him.  He won’t call or stop by, that’s not his style.  Everything has been on his terms.  And here is me, falling for it everytime, allowing him to dictate the rules.......

 

Here is some background.....

For many years I worked as a waitress.  I’m not necessarily a people person, which is kind of weird that I chose that for employment, but I loved the people I worked with and most of the customers.  I worked there while I was going to school and then just never left.  I think part of it was I was comfortable and part of it was him.....his name was Mark.  No he was not a fellow employee there but just someone who happened to frequent the restaurant.  I never took notice to him before, but after we had made some renovations, he came around a bit more and I started to take notice. 

Mark was not really my type at all.  I usually go for guys who are taller than me, but Mark was the same height as me maybe a little taller.  I am 5’3”, long brown hair and brown eyes, and I am a chubby girl.   I am not obese by any means, but I am not skinny either.  Mark was maybe 5’5”, short blonde hair and blue green eyes.  He was pretty lean when we first started talking, he was big into kickboxing, but over the years he started to slowly let himself go. 

Anyway, my friends at the restaurant started to notice that we were hanging out a lot and seemed to have a connection, but my friend Arianna was a little skeptical.  Arianna is the aggressive, no nonsense kind of friend.  Her and Mark had talked in passing but now she was starting to notice that there was more than just friendly banter going on between us.  So one day when I wasn’t there she was talking to him quietly on the side and asked him point blank “so what’s going on between you and Bella?”  He was kind of shocked that she was so point blank but I know not to expect anything less from her.   She was bound and determined to know exactly what his game plan was.  Arianna has a way about her that she could get a monk to talk if she needed him to.

After a little prodding on her part he slowly opened up and told her that he was in a “loveless” relationship with his high school sweet heart.  He went on to tell her that they had a baby shortly after graduating and he was basically only there because he didn’t want to abandon his son.  He went on further to explain that he didn’t have his dad around much when he was growing up and refused to let that happen to his son.  Mark expressed that he really liked me but didn’t want to hurt me, but he wasn’t looking for a one time “hit it and quit it” as he put it. 

Arianna knowing my relationship history and how vulnerable and often gullible I am, basically laid it all on the line for him.  “Don’t even think about hurting her, or using her.  She has had enough of that in her life, enough people using her, enough people just abandoning her and I will not stand by and watch you do it.  So you make sure this is what you want before you even pursue her.”  Arianna quickly called me and told me what had happened.  I was a little upset with her for coming on so strong but I trusted her instinct.  But what I wasn’t expecting was the silence I got from him.  He wasn’t stopping by as much, we had exchanged numbers and usually texted each other but it was silent on that front too.  I had started to wonder if he was scared off by Arianna.  Or if I had been made a fool of yet again.

I went about my day at work, chit chatting with the regulars and having fun with my co workers.  I had only texted Mark once since Arianna had talked to him, just a friendly text asking how he was and how things were.  But I still got nothing.  Part of me cursing Arianna and part of me thanking her for saving me from another heartbreak, I started to put the walls back up again.  Better single than sorry, that was the motto I had lived by. 

A week or so had gone by and my phone was lighting up while I was at work.  I went into the back and checked and it was Mark.  He was apologising for being so quiet but he wanted to make sure he knew what he wanted.   But he wouldn't discuss it on the phone......he wanted to meet for a face to face and talk.