***Fair warning my dear readers. This is blog is going to quickly skim through the travelling years of Bella and take a huge time jump to January 2015. The next three posts will be a span of a few years of her travelling and finding herself, and ultimately I will attempt to bring us up to date. If you don’t like that, I apologize but this is how I am going to do it....***
January 2015
I was woken up by the sunlight pouring into my room. I stretched and smiled and almost forgot where I was. I got up out of my bed and opened the curtains and stared out at the sun rising over the trees and bit my lower lip. I smiled again to myself and shook my head, I did it. I felt two arms wrap around me and the scruff of his chin hit my neck “You’re up early baby” he said to me as he kissed my neck and pressed his morning erection into me. I smiled feeling absolutely happy and satisfied. It may have taken a few years and a lot of searching, but I finally found myself...
But that is now...and this is going to wrap up then....
I was sent into a tail spin as I took off out of that hospital. I heard Joel calling after me as I left the room, trailing after me was Monroe and Duane. My phone immediately starting ringing and I knew it was him, but I was in no mood to hear his excuses. I had enough of men treating me like I was gullible and if they sweet talk me I would just be okay with everything.
My phone wouldn’t stop ringing, so I just turned it off. I knew Joel would start in on Monroe soon, but I told everyone to shut their phones off. When we got to the hotel Trevor was sitting on the bed flipping through channels on the TV. I saw his face as I went into autopilot and grabbed my suitcase and started to pack. I wasn’t even folding anything...just throwing all my items into the bag. I heard whisperings of Monroe telling Trevor what happened. I felt Trevor come up behind me and place his hand on my shoulder and it was then that I broke down. I sank to the floor and started sobbing uncontrollably, Trevor sank with me and wrapped his arms around me and I cried into this chest. I couldn’t understand why this happened to me again, why was I so stupid to trust and love the wrong men?
I felt a warm cocoon form around me and I knew the real men in my life were surrounding me. All of them telling me it will be ok, and that they would always be there for me. How much Joel had fucked up, and that he wasn’t worth my time. All the things I should’ve wanted to hear right then, but all I wanted was for me to wake up from this nightmare and to be able to see that it was all a joke....
8 Months After the Kiss
Joel and I never recovered from his indiscretion, there was no way back from it. Sure it was ‘Just a kiss’ but I was broken after Craig, and at that point cheating...was cheating.
For those that wonder, he is up and walking again, and that while Jennifer pursued him, he never kept in contact with her. He did reach out once more after he was up and mobile and asked me to come see him. Against my better judgement I went, I knew I had to end this on a better note. I talked, he begged, but we both knew it was over. I couldn’t simply forget anymore than he could take it back. He wanted us to be friends, but we both knew that was just a statement that is thrown out there when nothing is left to say. I walked out of his house and his life one last time.
When I got back to Toronto and sat in Monroe’s condo and realized I needed a fresh start. Away from everyone and everything that reminded me of Joel, Craig, Chloe, Mark... I got my engagement ring, wedding band, and a few other pieces Craig had given me and went to have them appraised. I met with an appraiser and he told me that I was sitting on close to 35k worth of diamonds, possibly more if sold to the right person. I was shocked, but apparently Craig had chosen almost flawless diamonds. I asked if he knew anyone who would pay the top dollar amount and he gave me a list of people, including him, who would when I was ready.
I walked back home and on my walk I realized that this was now my time to do whatever I wanted. I could move where ever I wanted. I had no one holding me back, and I realized that most of the men in my life had moved on as well; Monroe was in NYC and Duane had moved to BC for work (even though I had to push him to go). He still came home every once in a while. He even met a very nice woman, Carrie, whom he was "living with" when he came home. So it seemed everyone else was moving on, now it was my time.
I remembered my time in California with Monroe and how much I loved it there, and before any of you think it, I wanted to be far away from where Joel was. But I also loved NYC, but I didn’t want to be shadowed by Monroe or Trevor. I needed to go where, as cliché as this sounds, where nobody knew me. On my way home I realized that I had let my college letters expire, maybe looking at those would give me some insight as to where I wanted to head. I walked into the building and headed up to the loft. I grabbed the letters from beside the door and sat on the couch opening them up; NYU, UCLA, U of Toronto, Ryerson, UBC, USC, U of Miami, U of Hawaii (anyone noticing a warm climate theme here?! LOL). I hadn’t opened any of the letters that had arrived, so I figured now was a good time. One by one I opened them up and laid them face down on the table.
I got up and put my jewellery back in the safe and went and made a cup of tea. I knew I was just putting off any further rejection but I was also hoping that there would be at least one or two acceptance letters. I sat down and was about to start flipping them over when my phone rang and it was my mother. I rolled my eyes as I reached to answer it...
“Hello Mom” I said. “Hi Baby, I was just wondering if you had time to come see me. I’ve been trying to get a hold of your brother but he’s not answering. Is he with you?” She replied sounding a little depressed.
“No Mom, he is probably with his girlfriend if he's home. What’s wrong?” I asked trying to sound concerned. “I’d rather have this conversation face to face with both of you. Can you maybe find him and the both of you get up here as soon as possible?”
“Yea I’ll track him down. I will call you back.” I hung up with her and called Duane who picked up right away. “Hey Sis, what’s up?” “Mom has been calling you, she wants us to come and see her as soon as possible. Are you free tomorrow, can you pull yourself away from Carrie for 24 hours???” I asked a little sarcastically. He laughed at my statement “yea I will come now and we will go up and get it over with.” He hung up and I called my mom back and said we would be there within a few hours or so.
Long story short, our mom told us that our father had passed away. After he had left us and started a new family he was rather successful in business. But he had only changed his will to add on his new wife and son. Duane and I were still beneficiaries, and stood to inherit a large sum of money. His new wife tried to contest the will but my father made sure it was iron clad and that his estate would be divided equally between the four of us. Daphne, our mom, directed us to the lawyer’s office to whom was handling our late father’s estate and at the end of the day we were walking out of the office with two envelopes in hand that would make us financially comfortable for once in our lives. This was the answer I was looking for...I was now able to financially fund my “finding myself” dream.
Duane and I returned to the loft and opened the envelopes. Inside we each had a letter from our father and a cheque from his estate.
My Dear Isabella,
While you may not know it, I was there for every one of your milestones. While I may not have physically come to you, I was there. Your high school graduation was one of the hardest things for me. I was standing in the back and for a split second I thought you saw me and I cried so hard. You have turned out to be such a beautiful, smart, young woman. Your mother did such a wonderful job raising you. I wish that I had tried harder to stay in your life, and I have no one to blame but myself for my absence. You have a younger brother named Raymond, and I hope one day you two can become friends and possibly family down the road. Isabella there is so much I want to apologize for but clearly I didn’t get that chance, and while I could write it here...it wouldn’t be the same. But I am sorry for every let down, heartache and tear you have endured at my hands. That is something I will never be able to forgive myself for. I know that me leaving you an inheritance won’t take away any of that, but I hope that in some way it can help you with any future endeavours.
Despite everything, I did love you Isabella. You will always be daddy’s princess in his heart.
Love, Dad
Duane had not let me read his letter, which I understood. He stayed for a bit as we sat in silence, and then he got up and left to go home. He hugged me tightly and silently left. After I sat back and re read that letter, I decided that I was going to travel for a little bit. So I cleared away the letters and grabbed my laptop and started to list all the places I wanted to go and ultimately where I was going to end up in the end....
